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How to be a BAD Dancer

(NOTE: The following article is meant to make you laugh, or at least crack a smile or two. Please don’t take it as serious advice.)

Ugh! All those dance lessons just reek of effort! And who needs be a good dancer anyway? Being a bad one is so much easier! Sure, you miss out on most of the enjoyment of dancing in the first place, but at least you scratch that “instant gratification” itch.

The following tips are easy, affordable, and guaranteed to maintain a healthy level of mediocrity on the dance floor. So wait no longer! (Or do – procrastination will achieve similar results ;)).

  1. Only take group classes. Forget those expensive private lessons – that’s just a studio scam to take your money! Besides that’s where all the “technique” is taught, and you know what technique is code for? Boring, that’s what! Just use groups to teach you a bunch of steps. You can lead/follow them. Probably.
  2. Don’t practice in between classes. Sure you could practice. But- oh look, Oprah’s on! Just count on the teacher to catch you up next class. Even if they don’t, at least you have those half-dozen moves you’ve been using for the last 5 years.
  3. Don’t take notes or videos of the class. Notes and videos? Sounds a lot like homework to me! And who wants to go back to school? Hey, if you can’t remember it the first time, it just wasn’t meant to be.
  4. Talk to your friends during class. Nothing like a lesson dispensing valuable advice on how to move with grace and power… To ask if anyone’s seen the latest Fifty Shades of Grey sequel. Ignore those dirty looks; they’re just prudes.
  5. Compare yourself constantly to others. If you find yourself improving despite your best efforts, get your mind in the game! Find the best dancer in the room, and spend long hours reflecting on how completely unlike you are. Don’t actually talk to her about how tough it was for her to get that good – assume she was born that way!
  1. Groan about how hard learning to dance is. After all, bad dancing isn’t just about how you look: You have to have an attitude problem as well! Spend the time you could be using to practice whining to others about how hard it is to practice… And become BFFs with the ones who agree with you!
  2. Blame everyone but yourself. It’s not you, it’s everyone else! No matter your situation, there’s always a reason why you “can’t” improve – you have two left feet, are too busy to practice (read: Oprah), your dog ate your dance shoes, etc.
  3. Wear tight-fitting clothing. Hey, dance is all about looking sexy right? Put on your most form-fitting gear and strut your stuff! Of course, you might not be able to execute half the choreography, and you’ll probably sweat like a mule, but at least you’ll look good doing it. Oh, and don’t forget to bring your longest – and sharpest – bling to class. Your classmates will (not) appreciate it.
  4. Arrive late for class. Who cares about that boring warm-up and step review? Show up halfway into the class to catch all the new stuff! Actually, you’ve probably forgotten the old stuff by now, so it’s all new. Bonus!
  5. Learn to dance from YouTube. Pull a fast one on those expensive studio dancers, and learn instead from some guy with a camcorder! They probably know what they’re talking about, and if they don’t, well, finding out is half the fun!

Looking for even MORE ways to bring out your “inner average dancer”? Stay tuned for next week 🙂

About the Author

Ian Crewe has been dancing ballroom for over 18 years, and has a Licentiate in American smooth and rhythm. His passion for dance eventually led him to blogging and the World Wide Web. Ian currently teaches at the Joy of Dance Centre, Toronto, ON, Canada.

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